By : Rita Bandyopadhyay

Though we use the term middle-age frequently, it’s really tricky to understand – what do we actually mean by “middle age”. Is it after forty, between forty to fifty or it starts after fifty? Since the time human life expectancy has increased significantly, due to the advancement of science, the concept of ageing has changed completely. Nobody wants to grow old, feel old or think old today.  But biological changes do occur in human bodies – and anyone can defer the process for few more years but cannot stop it.

Wonder why I’m talking about middle age? Not because I belong to that category, but it is assumed that all health problems (physical & psychological) typically starts around this time. Doctors / health professionals may justify or refute this statement – as a general one.  But I can discuss and share my ideas and thought on this matter.

I had a brief episode of clinical depression a few years back. Ironically I was pursuing a distance course on counselling around this time. But it suddenly occurred in my mind that there is something amiss in my life/existence. I felt more confused and disoriented than before. There was no lack of interest in my study or anything but in my mind I felt overtly confused and restless. Didn’t know what to do? Wanted to talk and share my thoughts and feelings.  But found no sensitive mind around to pour my heartout. I was helplessly getting wrapped around unending knots and tangles in my mind.

Finally, I gathered courage and shared part of my dilemma with my teacher and guide of the course I was pursuing. He listened to me patiently and suggested a counsellor he knew. In a few days time I started visiting that counsellor and started the process of managing my mental problem for the first time in my life. It was not so easy though, to convince my family that I needed some professional help. Nobody believed that an educated & sensible person like me can have any MENTAL PROBLEM

This is such a social taboo, that, even educated and well-informed people refuse to acknowledge psychological issues in their near and dear one’s lives. Secondly, the person having even a minor problem (psychological) finds it so difficult to express his/her feelings – no one, including the person concerned, understands the real problem. So it takes time, more than required, to detect the problem. And here comes the question of acceptance – if a mental problem is detected, nobody wants to accept the truth. The person concerned, as well as his/ her family members find very difficult to accept it as a medical problem than anything else. Do we ever hesitate to visit a physician when we or anybody in our family have fever or any other minor ailment? Then why to hesitate here? The reason behind – we are negatively over-sensitive about mental health and consider the mental sickness as an abuse than a biological problem. That’s the reason we even urge the afflicted person to get out of his/her problem, get it cured on their own- as if he/she is responsible for the condition he/she is into. So many times someone may say- “why are you doing /behaving this way?  Try to get out of your faulty thinking. Or come follow my advice – I will teach you the way one should see things”- and so on and so forth. People can even laugh at you in disbelief, if you mention any, mental problem of yours. In the process, the person having trouble gets even deeper down into the problem.

I also went through the same problem – it took time for me and my family members to actually accept and tackle my depression clinically. It is not very easy to say when it started and how it started. But there was a distinct feeling of pain and distraught all the time even when I was sleeping. Whatever I did or wherever I went it never left me. I tried every possible thing to pluck and throw it out of my mind, but in vain. Like a vicious circle – my problem kept on creating more and more problem. It was a very painful and helpless period of my life. I felt terribly disturbed and understood the distress that drive depressed people towards suicide.

With a lot of persuasion, my family agreed to take me to a psychiatrist. After taking her treatment for few months I started feeling better. I followed her medicine and advice for more than two years. Towards the end of the treatment she advised phasing out the medication before being cured completely.

This experience has made me more sensitive towards the cause of mental health and life in general. I feel, human life is the most precious gift that God has given to us. And we should enjoy and celebrate it.

Though my entire psychological problem started with the physical discomfort I faced due to menopause, there were other practical issues as well. Like I left my full-time job few years back, relocated residence from Andheri to Bandra (leaving all my trusted friends and acquaintances behind), my son graduated from school to college (started spending more time out with friends and classes), my husband also got more busy with new assignment and travelling. There was a sudden big void that engulfed my life. Then physical changes and problems added to my distress. I enrolled myself in different courses and classes, tried to be busy with other things at home, spent hours in the internet sites but with no respite.

There may or may not be a faint link with the aging and mental wellbeing, but I can’t say that it would not have happened otherwise. And anybody and everybody at any age can have the same type of problem I had. One has to be proactive and positive to tackle it. My positive attitude towards life helped me a lot.

At the end, I’m feeling really liberated to be able to write down this piece. If anyone feels a bit inspired after reading about my experience I’ll feel empowered.